You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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