I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize