Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
