you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just blew my weed a kiss
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
my poor anus
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize