Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
false alarm, still single
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
