I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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