You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
