They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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