he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
