I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize