wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
soo... how was my night?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
