Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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