I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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