I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize