i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
