this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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