If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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