I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
