I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize