Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
40s are totally the cure
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
