i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
