I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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