So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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