Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize