i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
