Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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