He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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