There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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