apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
