i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
