I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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