I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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