SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
