I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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