why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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