____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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