just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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