I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
