Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
