If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
