Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
