??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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