Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
