What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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