you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
