it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
