Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
