Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
