I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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