Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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