After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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