Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
