I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
