i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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