Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize