god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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