her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
