OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize