The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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