You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
