please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
