This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize