I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
