it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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