Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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