dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
