Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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