just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize