I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
