I only kidnapped one of them. chill
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
