did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
People in love make me want to vomit
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize