He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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