i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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