he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Come share oat with me in your robe
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
