I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
