Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
