I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
