he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
